Come and Go

It's funny how things change, well perhaps not exactly funny but it's something. There are normally two reactions, accept it or deny it.

I have accepted a lot of things in the past, tossed and turned till the wee hours of the morning not really realising that it's not worth it. I'm not saying that I won't continue to worry about things but I am starting to deal with these issues, whether the issue be with another person or with myself.

Not many people are going to hold your hand and lead you through what can be the minefield of life, so dust off your walking shoes and bougez (move). It is kinda of hard facing things head on though so feel free to wear a crash helmet.

I'm talking about situations with my host parents, I just don't feel the need to involve myself in their life, I just don't feel like they actually care themselves too much so why should I. I will always love the spoilt brats but I think if a golden opportunity to bounce came along, I would leave. I'm talking about situations with so called friends who feel that they can use you when their plans don't exactly go how they want them too. Yeah I'm talking about YOU!

I have three months left and it's recently been great on the making friends and having fun front, but why should I feel guilty for doing this in my free time? I don't get informed of daily goings-on in the household and I am very close to bouncing...out of the house not France, am staying til June whether they like it or not.....I think!

Love Love

Silence is deafening

I never want to hear anything like that again in my life, it keeps replaying in my mind, the high-pitched wail that shocked us into silence.

It was a warm day very much the weather that we have been experiencing of late and as we made our way back to the house, Annabel, Frederic and I in what I and my friends have nicknamed the camion that I drive around.

We couldn't have imagined what would happen next.

We jumped out of the car. Ebony, the puppy managed to drag himself out from under the large people carrier and limped over to the grass. I had run over the dog. Why did it have to be me, if it was going to happen, why couldn't J or JP have done it?

The children were at first shocked but seeing as he wasn't dead, they carried on with their daily routine and snacked before going out to play.

When J arrived we took baby to the vet. An ex lover of JP's brother (she ditched him supposedly). She was lovely and took care of baby's fracture, and now he has to stay in the house for three weeks.

I felt so bad but J and JP didn't say anything and were not angry, I suppose that these things happen, but why me?

Still shaken....at least it wasn't a child.

When the going get's tough

Someone or something else has moved onto the farm, it's called the unreasonable bound to appear sooner or later side of the over-bearing and pushy mum.

Host mum isn't happy. She says that things aren't as good as they were, we don't share any more, we don't talk any more, the house is messy........The house is messy because I stopped tidying up after you arses. When I tried to encourage the children to clean up after themselves, I didn't get much support. When I do the shopping, nothing, when I found the rental accommodation in Montpelier, nothing.....Whatever!

I had a lot more to add to the conversation but due to the fact that the children kept wanting in on the conversation it just didn't feel like the right time. Wednesdays I give my classes and as she is there, I practically leave her to it, it is meant to be my day off anyway. I told her that in the evening(on a Wednesday), I will most likely be out if the house as I will have been cooped up for the whole day. My friend warned me that things always start off nice but that it is usually the women who mess things up, very true.

None of what she was saying really made sense and it all boiled down to, I kinda need you to help out on Wednesdays as well but feel to ashamed to say that I have taken too much on. When I started Coralie didn't have activities on a Wednesday evening and now she finishes her day at 9.30.

She also pointed out that I spend a lot of time in my room, I pointed out that I am studying (writing my blog or FB chatting lol). But my downtime is my downtime. What is her problem?

Was she looking for a friend when she hired the au pair?

I went out twice during this week and that also seemed to bother her, the weather is getting nicer and I will be leaving for the whole weekend at times, what will she do then? Is going out twice in one week when I shall be babysitting the weekend really a bad thing?

I am going to try and be more open but in terms of taking every opportunity to go out, that will not change, I am the one in a strange land and I will do my best to enjoy the time that I have hear. First and foremost I am here for the children's well-being and none of what she had to say concerned that so.........roll on the next three months.

The discovery channel

I love rediscovery, when you find yourself, someone, or simply the TLC Fanmail album in the music section of the little library I take the children to in the next town.

As I made my way into Lyon, music blaring I remembered 1999, I was 14, and I had copied the album off my very close friend at the time, the adopted sister as my sister and I used to call her. She got married last year, I didn't go. We had a falling out, things hadn't been as they used to be for a couple of years and as we grew older everyone's priorities changed. I made the right decision for me then, but it feels weird not being in her life. Do I miss her or am I just curious?I have been thinking about her a lot recently...she's probably pregnant that's why! I have discovered that I can let go, nothing is indestructible, although the most fragile things like friendship are hard to let go, how long can you really work on something? I say if you really want it....forever. Breaking up with a friend is harder than breaking up with a man (ask Lauren Conrad), I can't do it again.

I discovered that the boucherie was closed on Mondays. Pity as I had promised to show off my culinary skills. I offered to cook for Giorgio as he had already cooked me a lovely meal the week before, he CAN cook and I had absolutely nothing to complain about. He ended up preparing the dinner again....hmmmmmmmm, I could get used to this but can he?

Love, Love

Limits and Barriers

I didn't want to take the dog, I don't have to do I, I mean it's not in the contract? Just like I don't need to feed the chickens. I don't mind taking out the rubbish etc etc but I don't like taking care of the animals and I won't be made to feel bad about it....so why do I?

Coralie and I walk to the bus stop at 7.45 every morning with Caramel, yesterday Caramel entered someone else's garden and nabbed their dog's bone. The owner was not impressed. I didn't particularly want to bump into the lady again and decided that this morning I didn't want to walk the dog. I stood my ground with both J and Coralie even when they suggested that I put her on a leash. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to think............

There's been a lot to think about recently, I have some decisions to make, big and small and normally I would be all on the phone pouring out every detail of my oh-so-interesting life, but I don't want to do that anymore, I don't feel the need to do that anymore and I suppose that everything has been going better for me (I'm a big girl now).

After a great weekend on the beach in a cosy apartment not far from Montpellier, I have had time to reflect, make my decisions and stick to them. It's for the benefit of everyone.

Love, Love

I believe I can fly

I wasn't disappointed. The risotto was tasty and the night was interesting (in a good way).

It's funny how much of an effect things and people can have on you, the simplest things can keep me going for days, last week I woke up with a smile at least three days in a row, J was slightly confused as I barely raise my head in the morning.

This weekend we are going to Montpellier, it's still cold and is supposedly snowing down there but everyone has told me that it is a wonderful city. I have decided that we must go and visit the caves that are not too far from there, I have wanted to do this ever since we went on a school trip to the south of France, the trip left a marked impression on me, not only did we get burgled at the hotel but we visited some amazing places there, thus began my love affair with the hexagon.

My plans are changing as this sejour continues, I may learn Italian instead of Spanish lol, hmmm I have always wanted to drive a lambourghini.

Still Moaning and Still a Little ILL

Smooth operator formally known as shot sipper has invited me for dinner, this better be good as I will not hold back. He speaks English, French and German, plus his mother tongue Italian.

I love a smart man!

The intercom doesn't work any more, now as I don't normally wish bad things on good people, someone must have been reading my mind. The intercom is located in my room beautiful as this room is, it has some major flaws, cold, door doesn't lock, not sound proof, cannot be transformed into a detachable mobile house....am I asking too much?

The intercom situation is annoying and I must admit that I have ignored it once, it ended up being J's parents whom I really like but I was in the shower for goodness sakes. Anyway the damn thing doesn't ring anymore, so it won't be waking me up on Sunday mornings after J has gone for her run, I distinctly remember her telling me in the beginning that friends know the code blah blah blah so they wouldn't be needing to go into my room so often. LIE.

Secondly, close the door after you, the new dog has p'd in my room and has started eating shoes, J thought it was funny and was like look look he has your sock in his mouth how cute, I rolled my eyes. I wasn't impressed and wasn't afraid to show it, what was he doing in my room...oh I know, someone left the door open when they went to answer the intercom (that's not really meant to ring too often because "friends know the code".)

J just told me that her and JP won't be at home tomorrow night, birthday party, I am assuming that this has been planned for a while, fancy telling me this in advance. I am putting the kids to be at 8.30 sharp.

I love my family, I love my family, I love my family! See what spending four days with the sand sea and clouds does to ya! It wasn't that bad actually, it was good to get away, I didn't even miss my laptop and look at what I got to see!

A Bientot!